7 real conversations between controllers and pilots that you will laugh at

Airplane control and flight control from the ground are very responsible and quite stressful professions. And the people who choose them must certainly be incredibly serious, focused professionals. Do not doubt that it really is. But, in addition to these important qualities, they have one more thing - a sense of humor. And now

Dispatcher: "RWQ 7619, to reduce noise, direct the plane to the right 45 degrees."

RWQ 7619: "Center, we are at an altitude of 10,000 meters. What noise do you mean?"

Dispatcher: "The noise that occurs when a 747 crashes into a 727"

A pilot who waits a very long time when he will be given permission to take off: "Oh, and tired of sitting here!"

Dispatcher: "Warning, call yourself immediately!"

Pilot: "I say I'm tired of hanging around here, and not that I'm an idiot!"

The TN-92 did not succeed in braking properly upon landing. Because of this, he would have to move longer on the landing strip.

Dispatcher: “Try to turn right sharply at the end of the lane. If it doesn’t work, take the 207 highway, turn left at the intersection and back to the airport!

The pilot of the American airlines in Munich is waiting for permission to take off. Here is what he heard:

German airline (in German): "Earth, what time can we fly out?"

Dispatcher (in English): "If you want me to answer, please speak English."

German airline (in English): "I am a German citizen, I pilot a German-made aircraft in Germany. Why would I speak English?"

Extraneous voice from another plane (with a wonderful English accent): "Because you lost in that damned war!"

Dispatcher: "Western 738, take-off is allowed, we get in touch at a frequency of 174.2."

Western 738: "Dispatcher, Western 738 took off. Yes, and when we took off, there was some kind of dead animal at the end of the landing strip."

Dispatcher: "Pacifik 286, you are allowed to take off, keep in touch at a frequency of 174.2. Have you heard what Western 738 said?"

Board Pacifik 286: "The Pacifik 286 takes off. Of course, they did. We already told our caterers."

Frankfurt airport controllers are famous for their harsh and irritable manner of dialogue. They are convinced that pilots should not ask them any questions without a vital need. This is what a dialogue between the dispatcher from Frankfurt and the British pilot with the call sign "Bird" was once heard by an American airline pilot.

Bird: "Center, Bird leaves the runway."

Earth: "Head to Beta 3-5."

The British plane is on the main track and begins to slow down.

Earth: "Bird, do you know where you are going?"

Bird: "Earth, stay in touch. I'm looking for a way out."

Earth (with arrogant impatience): "Bird, haven't you been to Frankfurt?"

Bird (calmly): "It happened twice in 1944. The truth was then dark and I did not need to land."

On a busy day at a British airport, a U.S. airline crew got lost and ended up in the path of another plane. The female dispatcher, not sparing the ears of the crew and her nervous system, heartily shouted that they had all messed up and now she will correct the consequences of their mistake for another 100 years. She screamed louder and louder, ordering them not to move, wait for her commands and do whatever she orders to the smallest detail.

The sound in the headphones of the pilots went off scale, they plunged into the seats, quietly and humbly agreed with everything that the dispatcher yelled at them. And then, after a brief lull, an outside pilot broke the silence: "Ummm, ma'am, were we by any chance married?"

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